And with all the tears we cry and the laughs we remember, there is nothing better than the hugs and smiles we’ve shared. He is forever in our hearts and not a moment far away. Love will hold us together and keep us this way. Until we meet again, in the shadow of death, the light in our hearts will keep us strong. And the love within us all will keep him alive.

For my favorite Valentine

You will be forever mine

Wrapped up and totally in love

Counting the stars in your eyes and from above

After all is said and done

You always shine brighter than the sun

Every smile and every kiss

Makes me fall into a bottomless bliss

And all the days and every second

I thank God for the love I have beckoned

Each drop of love will bring us closer together

No matter what happens, I’ll be here forever

Every kiss and hug will keep us strong

In our own special world, where we belong.

So here’s to living life miserable.

And here’s to all the lonely stories that I’ve told.

Maybe drinking wine will validate my sorrow.

Every man needs a muse and mine could be the bottle.

Maybe then I could sleep at night.

I wouldn’t lie awake until the morning light.

This is something that I’ll never control.

My nerves will be the death of me, I know.

(Source: saaayuri, via butiwillseeyouagain)

So I don’t have the right to marry the woman of my dreams, but Kim Kardashian has the right to be married, get a divorce, to be engaged twice, to re-marry, and then file for divorce after 72 days of marriage because of ‘irreconcilable differences’. God Bless America.

you know what? it’s not fair that she did those things to you. and i know you know it’s not fair. but it’s also not fair, to think that someone else will do them to you. i know i wouldn’t. so why are you with someone just like her, that will probably do the same. what is the point. why are you doing that to yourself? and yet again, you’re still doing this to me.

It’s just awful to know that what used to make you so happy, now only makes you so sad.

Mixed up in apathy.

and now i’m lowest and i can’t really feel anything because i have pretty much had every feeling i’ve never experienced happen to me and i’m just numb. like i get sad and cry all day but it’s like, there’s no point anymore. like, it’s over. it’s all been done. i feel like i’m doing a rough sketch my suicide letter. besides that i just feel like everything is broken and i’m just cutting myself picking up the pieces when the fact is, it’s broken… you can’t fix it, stop trying. i don’t want people to feel how i feel, which is why i dont understand how other people do these things. like i don’t care about sounding modest, but i am a fucking magnificent human being. and i care far too much about people and i don’t get fucking shit in return. it really makes me sick. and i try to be mean but it makes me uncomfortable because that’s not who i am. i have to try to be an asshole. like i have to think of something that has happened to me and revert it to the situation and hope for the best and then i just get weird because i would never be a dick on purpose. ever. i don’t want people to feel how i feel. cause i know how bad it feels and its not fair. i’ve never felt like this. ever.

You ignore me because you don’t want to be selfish.

Or is it that you

Avoid me because of the guilt that lingers from the excruciating pain you make me feel?

I’m all ears and all tears.

You make me so unbelievably mad. About everything, every little fucking thing I get mad about. But I think it’s only because I’m mad at myself because I care so fucking much. I don’t know why I care so much when you could not care less. You know I would do anything for you but my needs are just as optional as someone you’ve never met. And quite frankly, these days, it’s as if we have never met. I barely know you anymore. You’ve changed. It’s funny cause I was the one who left, but you’re gone. The girl I knew is somewhere back in the months where nothing could go wrong. Do you even know you anymore? What about your hopes and dreams? What happened to those? Do you remember what they were? I do, because I’ve never forgotten the important things you told me. Especially when it made your face light up the way it would. You wanted more out of life and out of what you have been given. I know I couldn’t give you the things you long for in the future, when I had you. But that in no way means that I didn’t want to eventually cause you know I’d give you the world if I could. And through all this, I still believe that’s what you deserve. To most people that makes me crazy. You allowed me to find myself, completely wrapped up in love and I thank you for that. I knew I was in some sort of trans because when it ended, it was a complete catastrophe. But this wound in my chest, this hole; like an open mouth gasping for air, I resent you for. And you still manage keep me somehow wrapped around your finger.  Sometimes I wonder if you know how much power you have over people, but now I wonder if you know how much power people have over you.

Do you feel it? When you’re done crying, do you feel it? You’re so drained and done, empty in a way. Completely incomplete. There is nothing in you, you can’t cry anymore, you can’t talk. You just end up staring at nothing. A few thoughts maybe flutter around, but that’s it. There’s so much empty, you don’t even realize how alone you are in that exact moment until it passes. That is what being hurt is. Draining everything in your body to cry, fetal position, legs pressed to your chest, suffocation, sulking, tears streaming. It’s the worst thing there is. Empty, that’s all you feel. And then, you blink and there it goes.